The poster on my therapist’s wall read, ‘maji yakimwagika, hayazoleki.’ Maybe it’s true that even though I was a blessing and a curse, a hero to some and a villain to others. I was true to myself and did what I would always do, choosing me.
I used to pray to God for some of that Jada and Will love and eventually, He granted me a glimpse of it. Growing from the heartless man at the garden who wept and wiped out all his emotions, to being a prince charming to you. The heavens brought you to me, or so I thought. At some point it felt like you were a fallen angel who brought hell on earth. I guess there is beauty in the madness. For once I believed that you came along and ignited the flames of love that had been extinguished in all the four chambers of my heart. We went along like bread and butter and what a funny way to compare our love. I was your soul provider and you used to spread only for me. They say the darker the berry, the sweeter the juice. Baba always said, ‘Son, watch out for the exotic because they are deadly’. And if roses are red and violets are blue, then our fantasy was too good to be true. You were born in the wild but somehow you tamed my heart…
I met this girl who put all her faith in me and made me her savior. All because of the charm I was brought up with, plus the artistic way of how I viewed life. I was a writer, I mean come on, I know how to use words and play along with them. I can create worlds and burn them in an instant. I guess that is what I did to her world because she hasn’t been the same since. The withdrawal was quite nasty and it broke her to the bone. Only if she fell in love with me instead of my art maybe then we would have a different story. Just maybe! Even Kendrick talked about this shit and said that he isn’t anyone’s savior. At the end of the day, I was just a writer who creates because it is my passion and I am may be a bit heartless! Cause I am the villain in a couple of stories. I mean, I broke 3 girls’ hearts in less than 2 months! Who does that? Me…
Karma is a bitch, so I was like why not take the risk? Maybe get to know you a little and see how far I can fuck up with this. Life is a risk and just like Nike, why not just do it? It was a Popcaan concert where we met and you were the most hyped among your group. Catching a whine on every song. The tattoo on your lower back read, starve the ego, feed the soul. That caught my eye and encouraged me to make the move that would change my life. It was one of those weekends where you just want to party until you can’t anymore and fuck any girl that comes your way? But that changed the moment I saw you and something inside of me tingled. I was willing to take the risk and seek a love story with you. From a random kiss to thousands more that the idea of forever grew on me. From the little convo that day to endless convos at my place as we watched the stars on the roof. Who knew that time sometimes can work against your favor? Or was it that we never built our love firmly and that it was merely an infatuation. We both started to see past the beauty we had imagined existed. Our flaws started to exceed and the flags became more and more. It felt like nothing was special anymore. Was the love too much? Was I really too much to care?
You called me a monster, maybe I was never your beauty and the beast fairytale. And maybe just like how the shoe never fit Cinderella’s sisters’ feet, you were never the princess I was seeking. Just like bread crumbles when much butter is spread, so did our love for each other come tumbling down. I am the seasonal friend that watered you to last through all the seasons. I watched you grow to be the best and brightest version of yourself. You said that I put the light on you when you were at your darkest. And now like a rose trampled on the ground, I watch you walk away to greener pastures. I no longer believed in the idea of soulmates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because they were perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together. To the world you will walk with pieces of myself that I never wanted to share. Secrets that I had bound to conceal for eternity. Now it’s just your residuals that I am left with. You raged how much I never opened up my scars to you. Well, that’s because if I were to ever share my scars with anyone, they would burn alive.
Written by: Leon Natay, featuring Natty Leo.